E J Stevens - [Ivy Granger, Psychic Detective 01] Read online

  “Of course not!” he exclaimed.

  “Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” Jinx said, waving a hand at Father Michael. Her red lacquered nails froze mid-wave as she realized that she’d just said the word “panties” to a priest. Oopsie.

  “Okay, if it doesn’t run on black magic and has the ability that you say, how come it’s in your possession?” I asked. “Shouldn’t it be locked up in the Vatican or something?”

  Yes, I have trust issues. When someone tries to hand me something that sounds too good to be true, I hesitate. No bridges hiding in my closet. No buyer’s remorse either. Of course, if The Deffakus was the real deal, I’d use it. I just wanted to be sure.

  “It was in the safe keeping of the Vatican, until a young archivist signed it out for study,” he said.

  “You were a Vatican archivist?” I asked.

  “Among other things,” he said.

  Interesting.

  “Have you tested it?” I asked. I didn’t intend to be this guy’s numero uno guinea pig. That was a role for some other sucker.

  “Yes,” he said. “According to my calculations The Deffakus is 99.975 percent accurate. It is also entirely safe to activate. I detected no magical side-effects as a result of using this artifact.”

  99.975 percent was good enough for me. I turned the knob widdershins and settled in to wait for my first appointment of the day.

  *****

  I didn’t have to wait long. Forneus’s sins could line the shelves of Hell’s larder, but I could say one thing for the demon—the guy was punctual.

  He was wearing his own face today—a slender humanoid face, not the horrific sea monster visage. That was interesting, since manifesting fully in our realm was difficult for most Hell spawn. Even if they could manage the trip, there were potential dangers. Appearing corporeally, without the aid of a human vessel, often left a demon vulnerable. It was the reason why most demons used possession for their trips topside.

  Goat-slit eyes stared out of a handsome face that no longer rippled with the shared features of a human meat suit. His gaze was unsettling, but I didn’t feel the urge to upchuck toast and coffee. We were making progress.

  Forneus pulled gloves from his fingers and stepped gracefully up to the reception desk. No zapping himself into my office and giving me a heart attack. Well, well, I guess his manners had improved with his face. I wondered if it had to do with demon rules. His use of the door, rather than making a grand magical entrance seemed significant. How much was Forneus risking by coming here today?

  Why would a demon even hazard coming into an office filled with wards and charms? I had the feeling that Forneus was about to reveal something big, and unpleasant. Whatever deal he was about to propose, it couldn’t be good.

  Jinx went to her desk to greet our client. Her smile was pure sugar, but the tiny wrinkle in her brow gave away her anxiety…and determination. That girl was tough as nails.

  “Welcome to Private Eye Investigations,” Jinx said. “Please follow me.”

  Jinx walked Forneus to my desk, acting, for all the world, like demon clients were an everyday occurrence. I hoped that never became the case. No, this was a one-time only meeting. I would hear Forneus’ story, then send him on his way.

  I was glad to have the benefit of Father Michael’s unique knowledge. The priest was here to guide me through the demonic legal mumbo-jumbo, and save me from any ignorant missteps. His clockwork artifact was an added bonus.

  I looked down to see a set of needles on the face of The Deffakus spinning leisurely. According to Father Michael, the needles were made of different metals that each resonated alchemically to the words of a demon. When a demon lie is told, the needles will spin until their rotation is synchronized, pointing to a symbol representing falsehood. Time to see if the thingamabob really worked.

  “Hi, Forneus,” I said. I gestured at the chair in front of my desk, but didn’t rise to greet my guest. “Have a seat.”

  “Doing a bit of redecorating, are we?” Forneus asked. He raised one brow and cast a disapproving eye at the mismatched chairs. “I can’t say it’s an improvement.”

  “You sonofa…,” I said.

  That guy had some nerve. First he destroys my chair, then criticizes its cheap replacement. If he wanted an aesthetically balanced collection of furniture that was pleasing to the eye, he should have stopped at the Ethan Allen store on Congress Street. Jinx and I ran this place on a budget. We were low on funds and I was running even less on patience.

  Father Michael placed a calming hand on my, thankfully clothed, shoulder and I sat back down. He didn’t know how lucky he was that I didn’t bop him in the nose. How many times does a girl have to say, no freakin’ touching? Was everyone trying to piss me off?

  “Ivy,” Jinx said. I looked up to see her twitch her head in a quick, micro shake of negation. “He’s working his demon mojo…”

  Crap. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, drew in a deep breath, and tried to think about the past few minutes objectively. Sure, I have a temper, but I don’t usually consider attacking both a demon and a priest within ten seconds of each other. That was extreme, even for me. I sucked in one more calming breath and opened my eyes.

  Forneus looked even more smug than usual. The creep was used to manipulating people into making foolish deals, and I almost fell for it.

  “You can’t blame a man for trying,” Forneus said.

  “No more mind control spells,” I said.

  “As you wish,” Forneus said.

  He spread his long fingered hands wide and batted dark eyelashes innocently. Yeah, right, like he’d stop using magic to mess with my head. I checked the gauge on The Deffakus. I even shook the device to be sure. Huh, he was telling the truth. Not that I trusted him. Who knows, maybe the holy lie detector wasn’t working. That would be just my luck.

  “Why the meeting, Forneus?” I asked.

  “Yeah, what was so important that we had to get up at the butt crack of dawn?” Jinx asked.

  I tried to hide my grin. Butt crack of dawn? Jinx had a way with words.

  “There are things afoot in your dear city and time was of the essence,” Forneus said. “To tarry any longer would have been foolhardy…and dangerous. My clients are not the kind to be kept waiting.”

  “You still haven’t answered my question,” I said, fixing Forneus with a stare. Most people found looking into my amber eyes unnerving, but he seemed immune.

  “And that would be…?” Forneus asked.

  “Why are we here?” I asked.

  “Ah, I didn’t realize you were interested in philosophy, Miss Granger,” Forneus said.

  I sighed and waved my hand in a, “get on with it” gesture and Jinx rolled her eyes. Demons were so annoying. They were right up there with telemarketers and politicians.

  “May I make a suggestion?” Father Michael asked. “Perhaps asking the creature who he is working for would be helpful. If you ask the question three times, he will be obliged to answer.”

  “Who is your client?” I asked.

  “Come now, that isn’t entirely relevant…” Forneus said.

  “Who is your client?” I asked.

  “Dude, who are you working for?” Jinx asked.

  “Ladies, ladies, please,” Forneus said. “If you would just let me explain…”

  “Who is your client?” I asked.

  A small popping sensation of pressure in my ears indicated the thrice asked question had worked.

  “You are all terribly vexing,” Forneus said, casting his glare around the office. “Very well, if you insist on knowing, I am currently in the employ of kelpies who dwell in the waters off Harborsmouth.”

  “Kelpies,” I said, agog.

  “Who or what’s a kelpie?” Jinx asked.

  It wasn’t surprising that Jinx didn’t know what a kelpie was. Kelpies could be found throughout faerie folklore, but the tales were often brief and bloody. Not the kind of stories to be told at bedtime to sleepy childre
n.

  Kelpies were a type of water horse, an Unseelie fae with a dark and dangerous reputation. They were rumored to lure human riders onto their backs, and then plunge deep into nearby river, lake, or ocean waters. Some folk tales claim that kelpies devour their victims after drowning them.

  “You’re working for kelpies?” I asked. “The same monsters who drown and eat humans?”

  “Only when times are hard,” Forneus said. “Even the fae folk can become down on their luck, and starvation is a powerful motivator.”

  “So you represent a client, who sometimes gets hungry and eats people, and you want me to do a job for them, why exactly?” I asked.

  “Because your city is in danger from a much more terrifying foe,” Forneus said. “And believe me when I say that, in this situation, kelpies are the lesser of two evils.”

  Mab’s bones! What could be worse than kelpies? I was pretty sure that I didn’t want to find out.

  Then it clicked, pieces of the puzzle coming together. Jinx had relayed news of shark attacks at local beaches and around the bay. Something was attacking people, tearing them apart, and leaving their livers to float to shore. I had a very bad feeling about this.

  “Is there something in the sea that’s hunting humans?” I asked.

  “Indubitably,” Forneus said.

  “It’s not a shark, is it?” I asked.

  “No, absolutely not,” Forneus said. “I regret to inform you that the each uisge have come to your waters.”

  Father Michael gasped and muttered a prayer behind me. I hadn’t read anything about each uisge, but apparently the priest had and he didn’t sound too happy to hear the news that they were here in Harborsmouth.

  “Who are the each uisge and what are they doing eating humans?” I asked.

  “It’s what they do,” Father Michael said. “They are bloodthirsty creatures who live to rend flesh from bone. They devastate everything in their path, like a plague of locusts, leaving nothing but discarded livers in their wake.”

  “Yes, an apt description,” Forneus said. “Usually, in the waters of a city this size, the local fauna would keep the each uisge in check. The worst butchery is always in remote locations. Except here we are with humans being eaten, the perpetrators continuing unchecked.”

  “Why?” I asked. “Who usually keeps them from overrunning cities?”

  “Yeah, why aren’t they doing their job?” Jinx asked.

  “Excellent questions,” Forneus said. “The kelpies, with the assistance of nearby selkies, mermaids, and other allies, would normally defend the city from attack. It does these fae no good to bring human attention to their home waters.”

  “But they’re not keeping the each uisge away,” I said.

  “No, they have a problem, a quandary that they need your help to fix,” Forneus said. “Ceffyl Dŵr, King of the Kelpies, has gone missing.”

  “So, the kelpies want my help to find their missing king?” I asked.

  How was I supposed to find a lost kelpie king? This whole thing had to be a bad joke, right?

  “Not the king, an artifact,” he said. “A bridle. His bridle. My clients have hired me to formally ask for your assistance in this matter. If you can locate their king’s bridle, then they will defend the city from the each uisge.”

  Locate a missing bridle? Maybe the job was more plausible than finding a faerie king, but it still sounded crazy. How could I find something like that? It was probably in the ocean, and that was one place that I couldn’t go. With a bay filled with flesh eating each uisge, a dip in the ocean wasn’t high on my to-do list.

  “Look, I’d love to help you guys out, and save the city and all, but this job is way above my pay grade,” I said. “Sorry.”

  “Perhaps this will help,” Forneus said.

  He withdrew a small, cloth covered item from his coat pocket. His slender hands carefully unwrapped the bundle to reveal a piece of leather intertwined with seaweed and woven threads of silver. The piece was ragged on one end, either cut or torn from a larger item.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Power seemed to emanate from the item, slapping against me like waves crashing upon a rocky shore. Whatever it was, the thing in Forneus’ hand was imbued with some seriously potent magic.

  “This is from Ceffyl Dŵr’s bridle, the only remaining connection we have to the kelpie king,” Forneus said.

  “Let me guess,” I said, raising my hand. “You want me to touch that remnant of the kelpie king’s bridle and tell you what I see.”

  “Precisely,” Forneus said.

  “Forget it,” I said. “No deal.”

  Touch an item that had been worn by a flesh eating, human drowning, Unseelie water fae? No freaking way.

  “Fine,” Forneus said, wrapping the item and setting it on my desk. “You and everyone you care about will die a horrible death and you will leave this world knowing that you had not done everything in your power to stop it from happening.”

  “Ivy?” Jinx asked, tentatively. Her voice sounded small and scared.

  I looked down at The Deffakus. Forneus wasn’t lying.

  “Crap,” I said. I stood up and reluctantly nodded at Forneus. “Jinx? Father Michael? Meet our new client, the demon Forneus, Great Marquis of Hell, representing the interests of the kelpies of Harborsmouth.”

  God save us all.

  Forneus grinned like the cheshire cat who ate the canary. I just hoped that I wasn’t the canary in this arrangement.

  Chapter 7

  Father Michael stayed to help Jinx write up the formal job paperwork. Entering into a contract with a demon was potentially disastrous, so we needed the expertise of someone versed in demon legalize.

  I was responsible for handling the fae side of things.

  Eventually I would have to touch the piece of bridle, now wrapped safely away in my bag, but first I needed information. My knowledge of kelpies and each uisge was minimal, but there was one person I knew who could fill in the blanks. With a little luck, she’d be willing to help.

  With a wave to Jinx, I left the office and headed to Madam Kaye’s Magic Emporium. Father Michael had assured me that I didn’t need to sign the deal in blood or anything, but Forneus was arguing that point. At least, I think he was arguing. I don’t speak Latin. One thing I was sure of—I’d go crazy if I remained at the office any longer. If they needed me, or my blood, I was just a phone call away.

  Our office had been unbearably hot and claustrophobic, but stepping out onto the sidewalk was like entering the outer ring of Dante’s Hell. If it wasn’t for the demon contract pow wow going on, I probably would have gone running back inside. With a sigh, I pulled on a baseball cap to shade my face and started the walk to Madame Kaye’s.

  Harborsmouth held its collective breath against the stifling heat that continued to plague the coast. I walked alone, the city seemingly devoid of life, except for the raucous sound of arguing crows and seagulls overhead. The buildings appeared to waver in the heat-shimmer that rose from the pavement and stone surfaces. It was easy, in that moment, to imagine the city besieged by carnivorous fae, the streets running red with blood.

  I clutched the strap of my bag, wringing the fabric with sweaty gloved hands, and blinked back hot tears. My chest felt tight and each rapid breath burned like my lungs were scorched raw. I knew that feeling, all too well. Signs of a panic attack are something a kid with the gifts of psychometry and second sight come to quickly recognize.

  I staggered over to an old style lamp post and leaned against it as I slid to the ground. The black metal radiated painful heat through my t-shirt, but I pressed hard against it. Pain was good; it meant I was still conscious. I tried to control my breathing, and failed. Little sparks of light flashed in the darkness and I realized that I had squeezed my eyes shut tight against the panic. In a city filled with monsters and desperation, closing off any of my senses was a bad idea. I forced my eyes open with a gasp.

  Lashes thick with tears blurred my vision fu
rther and, for a moment, my skin appeared to glow. Glowing skin? That thought, more than anything, shocked me out of my spiraling panic. Who knows, maybe I had been bitten by a radioactive spider or blessed with saintly powers. I felt a giggle rising at the absurd image.

  “You’re really losing it,” I muttered between clenched teeth.

  I gulped in air and pulled myself up onto wobbly legs. There was no time to waste. I had to save the city and that meant getting information from Kaye, having nightmare visions, and deducing the location of the missing kelpie king, before a bloodthirsty band of each uisge got hungry or bored. Tick tock.

  The remainder of the walk to The Emporium was uneventful. My breathing was a bit ragged, but that could have been attributed to an uphill slog in the oppressive heat. The dizziness that plagued my walk was, aside from a few sparklies in my peripheral vision, mostly gone.

  Arachne was busy with customers, a group of ladies in sundresses probably just off the ferry, so I waved and headed toward the back. The shop was cluttered, as usual, but I managed to make it to the oddments counter without tripping or getting lost. A small victory, but I’ll take what I can get.

  Once through Kaye’s security protocols, I headed to the spell kitchen and rapped on the open door frame. Kaye’s colorful form was missing from the cooking area, so I wasn’t surprised when I heard a voice call to me from her office.

  I found Kaye, wrapped in her usual multi-hued layers and kerchiefs, atop the chair behind her desk. She was reading a large leather covered tome, with gold stars and moons along the spine that winked in the flickering candle-light.

  “Hey,” I said, standing just outside the office door. I felt embarrassed to be asking for her help again, so soon.

  “Well, don’t stand on ceremony, girl,” Kaye said, waving a jangling, bangle covered arm. “Come in and sit yourself down. You look like you are about to drop dead on your feet.”

  “Sure, um, thanks,” I said. “Did Jinx or Father Michael call ahead?”

  “Yes,” Kaye said.